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How to Publish a Novel in 18 Steps

June 25, 2020 by Cameron Leave a Comment

  1. Draft 50,000 words in two mad months. Convince self you are literary giant.
  2. Lose focus, shelve draft for three years.
  3. Discover the entire secondary plot is crap. Scrap it.
  4. Rewrite over 18 months. 65,000 words of plausible nonsense.
  5. Discover the entire new secondary plot is crap. Scrap it.
  6. Rewrite over another year. Convince self you are not bonkers to have done so. 75,000 words.
  7. Decide to publish in six months. Actually tell people that.
  8. Get solid notes from beta readers. Rewrite. 82,000 words.
  9. Panic. How is the book getting LONGER?
  10. Gain beta reader approval. Send out for copyediting.
  11. Get edits back. Fix eleventy-million things. Send out for proof copy printing.
  12. Send uncorrected digital proofs to selected readers.
  13. Get proof in mail. Squeal like your tween self at an NKOTB show.
  14. Read through proof in horror: So. Many. Wrongs.
  15. Apply 427 sticky-note edits to proof.
  16. Implement changes to book files.
  17. Remember when Chef Louise said you eventually have to stop f*cking with it.
  18. Click ‘Publish.’

An earlier version of this post originally appeared April 3, 2015.

Filed Under: Authorlife Tagged With: how to write a novel, humor, writing

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